Don't you hate it when....

Don’t you hate it when:

1. It’s 09h15. You have just finished your second cup of coffee at work. All your emails are up to date and your desk is cleared. You feel a strong and satisfying bowl movement coming on. A good coffee-crap. You open the loo door. Shitsake. The cleaning lady is in there and still has 10 minutes of cleaning left. Yes, you could go later, but its hardly going to be as satisfying. Is it?
2. You lie back in the bath getting ready for dinner with friends. You sigh contentedly as the hot water rises up to your ears. Shitsake. Your wife (who you love) shaved her legs and armpits in the bath before you got in. And yes. That is a pubic hair floating next to your cheek.
3. You shave that last and most sensitive area below your nose with a blunt razor.
4. It wasn’t a big argument and it was all the way back in the middle of the afternoon. It is now 11pm and you are half asleep in bed thinking about the rugby match. A half smile on your face. Good win. Your wife (who you love) turns to you in the dark and says, “Are you going to say anything...”
5. Australian commentators say something like this: “There are only two rugby players alive who could have passed a ball like that! And they are both playing for Australia today”
6. Australian rugby commentators commentate.
7. Your 4 year old son gets a funny, guilty look on his face, which you know means that he has just taken a dump in the Virgin Active pool.
8. Kevin Pietersen punches the air after making a century.
9. South African athletes, who have barely been overseas long enough to settle in, speak with a foreign accent.
10. You are working your way through a bag of mixed nuts and shitsake, right at the end you bite down on a bad one that leaves a disgusting aftertaste in your mouth ruining the R18 you have just eaten.
11. You spend all Saturday working through a list of 20 items your wife wanted done. You sweat heroically through 19 of them. Feeling a deep sense of satisfaction. The first thing your wife (who you love) asks when she gets home. Before even saying hello. Is to ask if you had a chance to do the 20th chore you never did. Shitsake. I did all 19 of the others.
12. The pink woman’s razor that you bought your wife (who you love) lies unused in the bathroom cupboard, while your razor is clogged up with armpit and leg hairs.
13. You go away for a long week-end and have to spend Sunday afternoon cleaning up before you leave.
14. You have to choose between either England or Australia losing a match, at any sport. We need a new scoring system where on any given day, both teams can lose badly.
15. Your wife (who you love) thinks that it is hilarious to start sharing intimate details about your (alleged) skidmarks, and other (alledged) bad habits, at a dinner table with 11 friends after her third glass of wine.
16. Your kids spill fruit juice into the trays of your cars back doors, where it evaporates and leaves a sticky pool that is always missed at the carwash.
17. Big middle aged women who smell of cheap lavatory spray, squeeze in next to you on a long flight, and have carrier bags encroaching on your leg room and foot space.
18. You step in dog crap just before getting into the car and there is nobody to swear at or blame.
19. You don’t finish an excellent book by the end of a long week-end away, and you don’t have the nerve to nick it.
20. You let rip with a beauty in the privacy of your office, and your satisfaction is ruined by the book-keeper walking in and asking your advice.
21. You go out with your mates for dinner, have a salad and a glass of water, and they split the bill. Bastards.
22. Your kids inexplicably need to pee 15 minutes from home, on the away leg of a 5 hour car trip, alongside the most dangerous section of freeway in the country.
23. Your wife (who you love) actually makes eye contact with vendors selling things at traffic lights, and your car is soon surrounded by a sea of eager salesmen.
24. You are at your parents for a week-end. You have a new baby. The baby monitor is switched on and the speaker is on loud upstairs in the kitchen, next to where you parents are preparing lunch. Downstairs at the receiver you and your wife are (allegedly) talking dirty and getting heavy. Noise levels rise. The monitor crackles. You both stop what you are doing realising they have heard everything. She definitely said worse things than you did. You blush madly and avoid making eye contact with your parents all afternoon.
25. Its time to leave the dinner party. You have been charming and funny and debonair. Shitsake. You didn’t realise quite how much you had to drink. Your head is spinning. Your legs are weak. You know. You KNOW. That you cannot make it to the door without stumbling. Your wife (who you love) is driving. Which makes it even worse. She is stone cold sober. You are about to enter shitsake street my friend.